Carrie Bradshaw Meets the Housewives of NYC

Although I am not a fan of many reality shows, I like Bravo's "The Housewives of New York." Many blog posters have asked about Bethanny, the healthy food chef---basically why is she on the show since she is neither married nor has children. Perhaps she is a segue between the carefree, sexy single life promoted in Sex and the City and more staid domestic drama of husbands, kids and second homes in the Hamptons depicted on Housewives.

Anyway, last night Bethanny broke-up with her boyfriend Jason. Jason is divorced with three kids. Bethanny is in her late thirties, has never been married and wants at least one child....soon. A few weeks ago Jason would not discuss their moving in together. It seems that Bethanny point blanked asked him whether he would be ready to have a child with her soon, he said that he wasn't sure if he'd be ready in a year or two year...he didn't want to be put on a clock. Like any New York woman, she heard his response, panicked and decamped to a penthouse suite in South Beach to think and chill.

Jason is not wrong if he does not know if he want to have more children or to get married again. Bethanny is not wrong to want to settle down and start a family. Bethany's predicament raises the questions as to whether a woman should wait until she's 35 to decide to have kids. Moreover, if she does, is a divorced guy with three kids a great candidate. The cruel fact is that unlike men, women have a finite time to procreate. As Bethany's friend in SOBE told her,your eggs are getting staler each day.


In 1960, 70 percent of American 25-year-old women were married with children; in 2000only 25 percent of them were. In 1970, just 7.4 percent of all American 30- to 34-year-olds were unmarried; today, the number is 22 percent. It would be crazy to suggest that we go back to the old days where the chief priority for women was finding a husband and birthing some babies. However just as woman plan our careers to accomodate career and social objectives, perhaps there needs to be more awareness about planning to have children. The alternative is to be nearing 40 and frantically hoping that you can program the men that you meet to be in tune with your narrowing fertility window.

I was lucky, I had given myself until age 40 to have a child, the prerequisite being that I had met someone whom I loved who could also be a suitable father. I remember telling my then boyfriend (now my husband) that given my age that I may not be able to have children and would he be cool with adoption. I was in good health, but who knows--for some women their fertility is already over by age 35. He answered that he would love any child that we had together...that was enough for me. However the relationship hit some snags, there was a break-up and then a few months later we mutually agreed to reunite...we then married. Without a whole lot of hoopla, thought or planning, I got pregnant.

It worked out well for. I beat my deadline and I am happy, but if I had it all to do again, I would have gotten serious earlier about doing the personal work required to be in a committed relationship and to be a parent. Don't get me wrong, I had fun being single and I have some good memories, but once the excitement was over, I should have got my marbles and got. I believe that the situation won't come until you are ready to receive it....that meant changing my mindset and my hang-outs. In short, it's doubtful that you are going to meet a family-oriented man in the club. Anyway, I like having options and since love can't be rushed or guaranteed, time is also a big necessity.